Question:

Please, Jessica, keep in touch with some professional help about your eating. I’m glad you’re still getting in those calories, but it’s so easy to slip and drink one less can, and then one less…you’ve come so far, you have so much ahead of you.  Be careful, okay? Love you, Butterflies ~In the event of rapture, this account will be unmanned.

I made a decision yesterday not to let the latest set of trials and bad times destroy the progress I have made so far. Spolier for Mention of food and specifics: * * * * * * * * * * * * So this morning I have gotten up, and I am chewing away at my muesli, and drinking my iced coffee. I don’t feel like I am slipping in the sense that I am not actually thinking about what I am eating, or counting calories etc. It is more just the whole idea of preparing a meal, and the lifting the spoon/fork, putting the food in my mouth, and chewing that is the problem. I think I am just so stressed, that it is all too much effort. I just can’t be bothered eating!!!!!!! It is such a pain in the ass. I have maintained my calories – I think, as I am not really counting them, more than likely I am just replacing each snack/meal with with ensure or juice. I finally got a good nights sleep last night – a God send! I have been experimenting with my meds, and decided to leave last nights dose of Effexor until the am, and see if that helped, and it did – so maybe no need for Seroquel after all? It’s my day off work, and I plan to catch up on my snail mail, and clean my filthy house!!!!! My brain, and soul has been on hiatus for a week now, and it’s time to get things back on track  - I hope! Love right back at you ((((((((Butterflies)))))), Keep On Truckin’ oh Sweet one, Jessica

Response:

{{{{{Jessica}}}}} keeping spoiler… / / / / / / / / / Somehow I have totally slipped off my meal plan – I haven’t let the calories drop, but I am only taking in liquids – Ensure and Juice Boxes??

Hey, a fellow liquid-dieter!  (Diet as in, the way a person eats, not the weight-loss plan.)  I can relate to the Ensure, but juice in any way, shape, or form is not for me.  Have you tried coffee flavour Ensure?  That is my very, very, all-time favorite. Please, Jessica, keep in touch with some professional help about your eating. I’m glad you’re still getting in those calories, but it’s so easy to slip and drink one less can, and then one less…you’ve come so far, you have so much ahead of you.  Be careful, okay? Love you, Butterflies ~In the event of rapture, this account will be unmanned.

Response:

hey jess.  looks like my med regimen actually =)  don’t you have the SR form of effexor over there?  that would cut you down to one dose in the morning and might help your sleep.  effexor tends to rev people up.  i know if i take effexor after about noon-i might as well rent 8-10 hours worth of movies because i’m going to be up all night.

Response:

I am feeling more and more like a lost cause each day.

((((Jessica)))), just because you have problems, and need medicine, does not, I repeat, not make you a lost cause!  It does not make you less of a person… Your soul is still the same.  Beautiful, special! Ears The voyage of discovery lies not in finding new landscapes but in having new eyes. – Marcel Proust

Response:

Ok, Here’s how it is. Birds twittering, very loud – bloody Miner bird (unfortunately I hear they are an endangered species, so my idea of catching it and strangling it is not an option). Sound familiar? Maybe like my last two long posts in regard to no sleep. Spoiler for almost anything: * * * * * * * * * * I had spent the whole day yesterday convincing myself, that I don’t need more meds (especially anti-psychotics), and that the PSTD diagnosis was a mistake. But then again last night, I take my Serepax (anti-anxiety benzodiazapine), which has worked wonders in the past, and sleep for an hour, then wake up teeth grinding from another nightmare, and hot sweats (I am only 23 – I can’t be going through the menopause yet!!!!!!). Anyway, to cut a long story short – it is now 5.37am the sun is officially up, and I have decided that I will call my psych and ask him to prescribe the bloody Seroquel. I am terrified of any side effects, especially weight gain of course!!!!! But have had some positive comments on it’s use for anxiety and intrusive flashbacks, and insomnia. I am also terrified of taking more meds, my back pack feels like a walking pharmacy where ever I go. 150mg of Effexor am 30mg of Serepax am 30mg of Serepax midday 150mg of Effexor pm 30mg of Serepax pm 5mg of Mogadon before bed. I am feeling more and more like a lost cause each day. Well it’s off to swimming training for me – nothing like a brisk swim to tire out the body, lets just hope my brain shuts up for a bit, and I can get some sleep when I get home. Somehow I have totally slipped off my meal plan – I haven’t let the calories drop, but I am only taking in liquids – Ensure and Juice Boxes?? I am so out of it, I will have to post more later – I feel like a zombie, and I look like one too – Isn’t Halloween coming up?? Gotta Love ya, and Leave ya, Keep On truckin’ Jessica.

Response:

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