Question:

Hi azul…  I read your posting and I dont know what to say other than Ive been there and am sometimes still there.  You will get through this and I for one am rooting for you.  Just hang in there.  One day at a time.  Go for a walk.  Take a bath.  Write someone a e mail.  You will be okay.  the human body is not going to kill you and neither is your mind.  It just has strange ways of protecting itself.  Peace

Response:

Blue wrote And what in the hell are you doing reading this test ignore post? You know we can’t ignore anything you write. We Love You, Vicki "Some Days Are Diamonds. Some Days Are Rocks."—Tom Petty—                        

Response:

Hi Blue, sorry for ignoring the subject

| Hi, all — | I’m posting just to ask all of you to please bear with me.  The way I’m | crawl back under the covers.   I want to walk into the lurk closet and slam <snip I can relate to crawing back under covers – it’s my favorite way to cope. | I’m barely hanging on here.  And I don’t feel I can talk about it.  I’m <snip Again, I can relate.  I’ve gotten into self-harm a little to much lately, and it’s really hard to talk about. | It’s so f****ing annoying.  I’m at the vet with the wild kitten, and I am | laughing and then crying.  Laughing at the funny things I’m seeing, and then | crying as I recall times past.  A little girl walks in with this huge tabby <snip I am at the same state, except when I cry recalling times past I am usually recalling bad times.  I cannot remember very many good times.  I was not physically abused but there has been something wrong with my life since early childhood. | And what in the hell are you doing reading this test ignore post? Hey, I read the test group at work which over 99% of the posts are stupid messages that are supposed to go to another group that monitors the processes that generate the email but they left the test group in!  Every once in a while someone posts a real test and I like to read them and try to figure out what they are testing (usually newsreader setup). Try to hold on, it’s so hard sometimes and other times it’s so easy. Love, Mike

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<snipped lots of precious BW) I only the leave this room (which has the computer in it) to go to the

bathroom too. I haven’t even been eating which I know i should be. But i plan to pull myself away from the computer to watch some of my parent’s disney movies. I have decided not to return to my apartment until tomorrow.

Guess what!  My computer is in my bedroom, about a foot away from my bed. And I have not been able to eat much at all.  It is a very real problem for me.  And it’s a long story… So I do understand what you’re feeling, at least to some degree.  I must have missed it before if you told us, but what meds are you on? Well three and a half years ago i had my first panic problems and was on xanax, after about 6 months I stopped taking the xanax and was fine. Until two weeks ago. Now i am on clonazepam; which seems to be doing nothing. Not even making me drowsy. I only started it thrusday. But i remember being very sedated with the xanax. I don’t understand it. The doctor wants me to leave it and go back next thrusday to see if by then there is any improvement. if not he may put me back on the xanax.

The sedation wth the Xanax will diminish over time, I feel certain.  It does for almost everyone.  I’m on a so-called *heavy* dose of 4mg a day.  I’ve been taking it for a long time.  Of course, you never know with certainty how a drug is going to work.  I wish you the best in finding whatever may be of the greatest benefit to you. Blue thank you for all the help and support, you have been a incredible help to me. it is so nice to read every one’s posts and feel like others understand and care. I am staying at my parents because i thought it would help, but they can’t understand and just keep get angry with me, well some things never change not even when your an adult, but that is another story. Taryn

So many of us here have run into problems with trying to explain to friends and family members what we feel, what we’re going through, and most of us find it very frustrating!  And yes, that’s another story, and there are many, many other stories as well, in my experience.  As to the *thanks,* well, all I can say is you are very welcome.  Know we are here, and available to you at any time. Best Wishes — Blue

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<sniped my post – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Taryn, I don’t find it strange at all to hear about this being true for girls — not being criers.  Whether we’re men or women, the message is there:  Crying is a sign of weakness.  That’s the old school of thought. Things have slowly begun to change, little by little, but then again, at an amazingly fast pace if you consider — never mind.  I really can get off on tangents!  You get my point, I hope… <sniped my post Well, meet the Master of Not Practicing what One Preaches!  LOL! I still haven’t slept or left the house. for that matter I haven’t even got dressed yet. But i think today i am going to go back to my apartment.  at least I am going to try. My medicine is not working yet. Maybe it won’t work at all. I don’t know how much more of this i can take, so it better kick in soon.  Taryn Taryn, I have gone through periods of time when I did not sleep for a long time.  I have gone for long periods of time not leaving the house.  I also have gone for long periods of time not leaving the bed, except to use the bathroom, and then one day, I made it to the computer… I only the leave this room (which has the computer in it) to go to the bathroom too. I haven’t even been eating which I know i should be. But i

plan to pull myself away from the computer to watch some of my parent’s disney movies. I have decided not to return to my apartment until tomorrow. So I do understand what you’re feeling, at least to some degree.  I must have missed it before if you told us, but what meds are you on? Well three and a half years ago i had my first panic problems and was on

xanax, after about 6 months I stopped taking the xanax and was fine. Until two weeks ago. Now i am on clonazepam; which seems to be doing nothing. Not even making me drowsy. I only started it thrusday. But i remember being very sedated with the xanax. I don’t understand it. The doctor wants me to leave it and go back next thrusday to see if by then there is any improvement. if not he may put me back on the xanax. Blue thank you for all the help and support, you have been a incredible help to me. it is so nice to read every one’s posts and feel like others understand and care. I am staying at my parents because i thought it would help, but they can’t understand and just keep get angry with me, well some things never change not even when your an adult, but that is another story. Taryn

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<snipping part of my post Blue, I dont know if bi-polar depression is part of your condition, but as I dont remember you referring to "mania" before, I assume that its not.

Well, it’s debatable.  And I’m not interested in trying to get more opinions about it, either.  The general consensus is, yes, I experienced mania. So on that premise:  Recovering from depression must be a bit like re-learning to walk or ride a bike. The emotions are bound to be a bit wobbly. Unfortunately, having to go through the ‘wobbly’ stage is the only way forward, some things just can’t be avoided.

Some things can’t be avoided, true, as long as one stays alive.  And even then, I’m not sure the *whatever* that one is attempting to avoid successfully dealt with by death. <more snipping Life is full of paradoxes, often to the point, IMO, that it become

Ah, paradoxes!  One of my most favourite things — when I’m not driving myself crazy about the nature of this reality. – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -The avoidance has got to go. Later… — Blue (pissed off and hurting) And what in the hell are you doing reading this test ignore post? Um…would you believe – because its more enriching than what I’m supposed to be doing, watching a game of cricket. Unfortunately, there is one team with fire in their bellies, and the other is beset by all the failings that come with terminally shattered confidence – depression, anxiety and even some panic. A case of the great game imitating life, or perhaps, life imitating the great game. But, then keep changing the rules!!!

Ian, that’s why I’m still here — because this is THE great game.  And if I don’t like it, that’s too bad.  It’s my job to find a way to like it, or at least tolerate it, and that’s why I’m here at ASAP, as I’ve found a way to begin to tolerate life a little more. ) Best to you… — Blue – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Take care Ian

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<snipped my post Blue, thanks, hope you are feeling better now. I know it is hard to cry. I have never been much of a crier. that is probably strange to hear from a girl, but i always saw crying as a sign of weakness.

Taryn, I don’t find it strange at all to hear about this being true for girls — not being criers.  Whether we’re men or women, the message is there:  Crying is a sign of weakness.  That’s the old school of thought. Things have slowly begun to change, little by little, but then again, at an amazingly fast pace if you consider — never mind.  I really can get off on tangents!  You get my point, I hope… I now believe it is a sign a strength to admit to yourself how you are feeling and let your emotions flow. I should take my own advice about doing things though.

Well, meet the Master of Not Practicing what One Preaches!  LOL! I still haven’t slept or left the house. for that matter I haven’t even got dressed yet. But i think today i am going to go back to my apartment.  at least I am going to try. My medicine is not working yet. Maybe it won’t work at all. I don’t know how much more of this i can take, so it better kick in soon.  Taryn

Taryn, I have gone through periods of time when I did not sleep for a long time.  I have gone for long periods of time not leaving the house.  I also have gone for long periods of time not leaving the bed, except to use the bathroom, and then one day, I made it to the computer… So I do understand what you’re feeling, at least to some degree.  I must have missed it before if you told us, but what meds are you on? Best to you… — Blue

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Thanks, Taryn, for your encouragement.  It’s difficult for me to express some of my feelings, especially the feelings of sorrow.  And crying is something that I never used to do when I was *normal* — at least not like what I described.  It’s just kind of embarrassing for some us guys, and gals as well, to cry — especially in public! I  also feel for you — your own pain, and your losses.  None of this easy for any of us, I don’t think.  It’s tough breaking down the walls we’ve built to protect ourselves, and that are now keeping us from discovering the depth of who we really are. Best Wishes — Blue Blue, thanks, hope you are feeling better now. I know it is hard to cry.

I have never been much of a crier. that is probably strange to hear from a girl, but i always saw crying as a sign of weakness. I now believe it is a sign a strength to admit to yourself how you are feeling and let your emotions flow. I should take my own advice about doing things though. I still haven’t slept or left the house. for that matter I haven’t even got dressed yet. But i think today i am going to go back to my apartment.  at least I am going to try. My medicine is not working yet. Maybe it won’t work at all. I don’t know how much more of this i can take, so it better kick in soon.  Taryn

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Blue, Hang in there. I know it is hard just the other day I cried for four hours. I admire your strength. I cann’t even leave the house right now. I have never used the computer much and I have spent all day on it. Actually I am over visiting my parents, cause I feel safe here. And would perfer not to be freaking out in front of my roommate. I, until i found this group felt no one understood, even now I know no one in my world understands. But here it is different. It is nice to know I am not going crazy, and either are you. I am sorry you couldn’t keep the cat but one day you will have one. I believe the pain of losing someone is worth all the wonderful memories and times you spent with them. I know that it is hard at the time to see that. I have lost a good many friends and family members the last couple years all suddenly. (heartaches, sucide) but now my mother has cancer and  I have the change to cherish every moment with her. It made me realise that I would never trade a single moment I had with those that I have lost, just to save myself the pain. Good Luck!! I wish you peace, tranquility, and courage.  Taryn

Thanks, Taryn, for your encouragement.  It’s difficult for me to express some of my feelings, especially the feelings of sorrow.  And crying is something that I never used to do when I was *normal* — at least not like what I described.  It’s just kind of embarrassing for some us guys, and gals as well, to cry — especially in public! I  also feel for you — your own pain, and your losses.  None of this easy for any of us, I don’t think.  It’s tough breaking down the walls we’ve built to protect ourselves, and that are now keeping us from discovering the depth of who we really are. Best Wishes — Blue

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<snipped my post Hi Blue, Sorry couldn’t help but read it when I saw the size of the post… Knew it was more than just a test…

Hi, Mary Kay — Oh, you know I didn’t think about that when I wrote this?  I can’t see the size of posts unless I scroll over, and I don’t do that. Crying is a way of letting it all out, of letting it go.  And if you don’t allow yourself to cry, you will build up all this emotional baggage, which is not going to help with your illness.  I speak from my own experience.  If you need to cry, do it…..

Well, that’s what I’m attempting to do.  It’s just not who I used to be. And I think that’s good — maybe.  And Blue, the next time you find a kitty, keep it. No, Mary Kay, not for a while yet.  I am willing to work with the cat gods if they give me an assignment, such as find a good home for a wild kitten. But I’m not ready for any new animal companions.  I’m not listening to you and the many others, here and in RL, that have told me I would benefit by acquiring a dog or a cat again.  Not until I’m ready.  Unless the animal companion gods trick me up some way! ) Keep it in the house.  I have 2 cats. And both were strays.  One stays in always, the other goes out as he pleases.  I worry about him when he is out, but I would not give up either cat for the world.  They love me without reservation.  They don’t give a shit that I have PD.  Please Blue, don’t deny yourself that kind of love out of fear of what might happen.  Just keep thinking, nothing is going to happen… IMO…

When the time is right, Mary Kay.  It’s not the right time for me now.  I can be a little — okay, a lot — stubborn at times, and maybe I’m being so now.  I think I’ll know when it’s the *right* one for me, when that time comes.  But thanks for sharing, and offering encouragement.  It does help. Best Wishes — Blue – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Good luck, Mary Kay ))))

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<snipping my text Hi Blue,  I’m glad you’re writing it out, I know that "closet" feeling when you feel so bad you don’t want outside contact.  Sometimes for a very short period you do need that, to lick your wounds so to speak.But it’s always healthy to let your feelings out in this group because your safe here, we all have been there and understand.

Hi, Barb — Yes, I have decided to trust those here, as much as I can.  It’s still not easy for me to talk about some things, especially emotional stuff, but I’m learning to trust more and more, I hope. <more snipping of my text Are you taking any med for depression?

Yes.  I take Zoloft 150mg, Xanax 4mg daily. This is the way I feel when I’m depressed.  Wish I could cry, they always say it’s good for you to get it out but I can’t anymore (to long a story).

Well, that’s my line — too long a story!  LOL!  And it IS good to get it out, I know that.  So, I try to be a little easier on myself, but I’ve been my own greatest critic for a long, long, time. I’m a real soft touch when it comes to animals, I have two cats, both of which were rescued.  I wish you could have kept the kitten, I never knew a cat that ate pickles.  Had a dog that ate cherry pits and all the green beans and peas in the garden.  Hoping this is bringing you at least a small smile :-/

I too have a soft touch for animals.  Wish I had a softer touch for humans sometimes.  And you did bring a small smile to my lips! <more snipping And what in the hell are you doing reading this test ignore post? Come on Blue – you knew we’d be to curious to just pass this by, besides when someone says ignore – well  I just have to find out why <BG

Okay, true confessions.  I knew somebody was BOUND to read it…  Just felt like being a wise-ass, I guess. Hope you feel better tomorrow,    Barb

Amazingly, I do feel better today!  Thanks… Best Wishes — Blue

Response:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text -Hi, all — I’m posting just to ask all of you to please bear with me.  The way I’m feeling right now, I do not trust myself to post much.  What I want to do is crawl back under the covers.   I want to walk into the lurk closet and slam the door.  But I’m not going to do that.  I’m going to post instead, at least this one post.  "When in doubt, write it out" — I tell myself. I’m barely hanging on here.  And I don’t feel I can talk about it.  I’m trying so very hard to pick myself up by the bootstraps and get some momentum in my life.  And in doing so, I’m told to watch out and try not to get manic.  I hate that word, *manic.*  What in the hell IS mania?   Yeah, yeah, yeah… I know what the criteria are.  But how do I know whether I’m making progress or being *manic*? I’ve found that anger is often an emotion that covers a lot of other emotions.  When looking at what else I feel — under the anger, so to speak — I often feel sorrow.  And joy hallelujah that I’ve been able to FEEl anger.  And now, with it, I’m enjoying the feelings of sorrow.  I love making progress. It’s so f****ing annoying.  I’m at the vet with the wild kitten, and I am laughing and then crying.  Laughing at the funny things I’m seeing, and then crying as I recall times past.  A little girl walks in with this huge tabby cat and the cat is hugging the little girl as though it were a human aby  – and the cat is extremely relaxed.  And then I flash back to the time when I was little and had a cat that looked just like that little girl’s cat, and how I had to beg and manipulate my way to get that cat, and I succeeded, and that cat and I were as close as this little girl and her huge tabby cat.  My cat’s name was Bootie, and know what he liked to eat?   Dill pickles.  Seriously.  And so I start crying, remembering times past, and love lost… Ah, those repressed emotions…feels so good to let them surface… So tears start to surface, and then flashbacks to times past regarding all the times I’d been at the vet’s with my now-deceased animal companions.  I try to maintain my composure.  I do so for a while.  But those emotions are surfacing more and more, and the memories associated with the loss of loved ones (human as well as other species) are coming to mind.  I start crying, and know I have to get it together or else wild kitten is going to pick up on my distress and it’s not good for her.  Also, there are children there, so I get up and ask the guy at the front desk if it’s okay if I stand in the hallway, back where I can’t be seen, in the employees-only zone.   Actually, I’m not asking so much as I’m telling.  And I’ve got wild kitty with me, calm and pretty much straight-jacketed in the towel I have around her.  And then I find myself crying and crying and crying… The story goes on from there.  And I may tell more later.  But right now I’m on this crying jag, and as I said, I really do want to just lie in bed. Oh, but to leave a big part of the story out, I’m crying now because I miss wild kitten, as I managed to find it a good home after I left the vet.  Did I fail to mention how I’m an expert kitten-home finder?  I miss that poor little kitty…  And I feel bad that I don’t feel up to having any animal companions.  I do not want the pain.  Unfortunately, by avoiding the pain, I miss out on the love. The avoidance has got to go. Later… — Blue (pissed off and hurting) And what in the hell are you doing reading this test ignore post? Hi Blue,

 Sorry couldn’t help but read it when I saw the size of the post… Knew it was more than just a test… Crying is a way of letting it all out, of letting it go.  And if you don’t allow yourself to cry, you will build up all this emotional baggage, which is not going to help with your illness.  I speak from my own experience.  If you need to cry, do it….. And Blue, the next time you find a kitty, keep it.  Keep it in the house.  I have 2 cats. And both were strays.  One stays in always, the other goes out as he pleases.  I worry about him when he is out, but I would not give up either cat for the world.  They love me without reservation.  They don’t give a shit that I have PD.  Please Blue, don’t deny yourself that kind of love out of fear of what might happen.  Just keep thinking, nothing is going to happen… IMO… Good luck,

Mary Kay )))) – Hide quoted text — Show quoted text –

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Hi, all — I’m posting just to ask all of you to please bear with me.  The way I’m feeling right now, I do not trust myself to post much.  What I want to do is crawl back under the covers.   I want to walk into the lurk closet and slam the door.  But I’m not going to do that.  I’m going to post instead, at least this one post.  "When in doubt, write it out" — I tell myself. I’m barely hanging on here.  And I don’t feel I can talk about it.  I’m trying so very hard to pick myself up by the bootstraps and get some momentum in my life.  And in doing so, I’m told to watch out and try not to get manic.  I hate that word, *manic.*  What in the hell IS mania?  Yeah, yeah, yeah… I know what the criteria are.  But how do I know whether I’m making progress or being *manic*?

Blue, I dont know if bi-polar depression is part of your condition, but as I dont remember you referring to "mania" before, I assume that its not. So on that premise:  Recovering from depression must be a bit like re-learning to walk or ride a bike. The emotions are bound to be a bit wobbly. Unfortunately, having to go through the ‘wobbly’ stage is the only way forward, some things just can’t be avoided. a lot of pain slipped to save bandwidth and avoid reminders And I feel bad that I don’t feel up to having any animal companions.  I do not want the pain.  Unfortunately, by avoiding the pain, I miss out on the love.

Life is full of paradoxes, often to the point, IMO, that it become  :-( The avoidance has got to go. Later… — Blue (pissed off and hurting) And what in the hell are you doing reading this test ignore post?

Um…would you believe – because its more enriching than what I’m supposed to be doing, watching a game of cricket. Unfortunately, there is one team with fire in their bellies, and the other is beset by all the failings that come with terminally shattered confidence – depression, anxiety and even some panic. A case of the great game imitating life, or perhaps, life imitating the great game. But, then keep changing the rules!!!   ;-(   Take care Ian

Response:

Hi, all — I’m posting just to ask all of you to please bear with me.  The way I’m feeling right now, I do not trust myself to post much.  What I want to do is crawl back under the covers.   I want to walk into the lurk closet and slam the door.  But I’m not going to do that.  I’m going to post instead, at least this one post.  "When in doubt, write it out" — I tell myself.

Hi Blue,   I’m glad you’re writing it out, I know that "closet" feeling when you feel so bad you don’t want outside contact.  Sometimes for a very short period you do need that, to lick your wounds so to speak.But it’s always healthy to let your feelings out in this group because your safe here, we all have been there and understand. The story goes on from there.  And I may tell more later.  But right now I’m on this crying jag, and as I said, I really do want to just lie in bed.

Are you taking any med for depression?  This is the way I feel when I’m depressed.  Wish I could cry, they always say it’s good for you to get it out but I can’t anymore (to long a story).  I’m a real soft touch when it comes to animals, I have two cats, both of which were rescued.  I wish you could have kept the kitten, I never knew a cat that ate pickles.  Had a dog that ate cherry pits and all the green beans and peas in the garden.  Hoping this is bringing you at least a small smile :-/  And I feel bad that I don’t feel up to having any animal companions.  I do not want the pain.  Unfortunately, by avoiding the pain, I miss out on the love.

I felt that way after TC died, we had him for 16 years, he was the best cat. But as I said now I have 2 more.  There are days when they pester me and I think just leave me alone but the next minute I’m petting one of them and feeling better in the process.  You might actually do yourself a favor if you keep the next one that tries to adopt you, I know it’s hard but as you said, you miss out on the love to.:-) And what in the hell are you doing reading this test ignore post?

Come on Blue – you knew we’d be to curious to just pass this by, besides when someone says ignore – well  I just have to find out why <BG Hope you feel better tomorrow,     Barb

Response:

Blue, Hang in there. I know it is hard just the other day I cried for four hours. I admire your strength. I cann’t even leave the house right now. I have never used the computer much and I have spent all day on it. Actually I am over visiting my parents, cause I feel safe here. And would perfer not to be freaking out in front of my roommate. I, until i found this group felt no one understood, even now I know no one in my world understands. But here it is different. It is nice to know I am not going crazy, and either are you. I am sorry you couldn’t keep the cat but one day you will have one. I believe the pain of losing someone is worth all the wonderful memories and times you spent with them. I know that it is hard at the time to see that. I have lost a good many friends and family members the last couple years all suddenly. (heartaches, sucide) but now my mother has cancer and  I have the change to cherish every moment with her. It made me realise that I would never trade a single moment I had with those that I have lost, just to save myself the pain. Good Luck!! I wish you peace, tranquility, and courage.  Taryn

Response:

Hi, all — I’m posting just to ask all of you to please bear with me.  The way I’m feeling right now, I do not trust myself to post much.  What I want to do is crawl back under the covers.   I want to walk into the lurk closet and slam the door.  But I’m not going to do that.  I’m going to post instead, at least this one post.  "When in doubt, write it out" — I tell myself. I’m barely hanging on here.  And I don’t feel I can talk about it.  I’m trying so very hard to pick myself up by the bootstraps and get some momentum in my life.  And in doing so, I’m told to watch out and try not to get manic.  I hate that word, *manic.*  What in the hell IS mania?  Yeah, yeah, yeah… I know what the criteria are.  But how do I know whether I’m making progress or being *manic*? I’ve found that anger is often an emotion that covers a lot of other emotions.  When looking at what else I feel — under the anger, so to speak — I often feel sorrow.  And joy hallelujah that I’ve been able to FEEl anger.  And now, with it, I’m enjoying the feelings of sorrow.  I love making progress. It’s so f****ing annoying.  I’m at the vet with the wild kitten, and I am laughing and then crying.  Laughing at the funny things I’m seeing, and then crying as I recall times past.  A little girl walks in with this huge tabby cat and the cat is hugging the little girl as though it were a human aby  – and the cat is extremely relaxed.  And then I flash back to the time when I was little and had a cat that looked just like that little girl’s cat, and how I had to beg and manipulate my way to get that cat, and I succeeded, and that cat and I were as close as this little girl and her huge tabby cat.  My cat’s name was Bootie, and know what he liked to eat?  Dill pickles.  Seriously.  And so I start crying, remembering times past, and love lost… Ah, those repressed emotions…feels so good to let them surface… So tears start to surface, and then flashbacks to times past regarding all the times I’d been at the vet’s with my now-deceased animal companions.  I try to maintain my composure.  I do so for a while.  But those emotions are surfacing more and more, and the memories associated with the loss of loved ones (human as well as other species) are coming to mind.  I start crying, and know I have to get it together or else wild kitten is going to pick up on my distress and it’s not good for her.  Also, there are children there, so I get up and ask the guy at the front desk if it’s okay if I stand in the hallway, back where I can’t be seen, in the employees-only zone.  Actually, I’m not asking so much as I’m telling.  And I’ve got wild kitty with me, calm and pretty much straight-jacketed in the towel I have around her.  And then I find myself crying and crying and crying… The story goes on from there.  And I may tell more later.  But right now I’m on this crying jag, and as I said, I really do want to just lie in bed. Oh, but to leave a big part of the story out, I’m crying now because I miss wild kitten, as I managed to find it a good home after I left the vet.  Did I fail to mention how I’m an expert kitten-home finder?  I miss that poor little kitty…  And I feel bad that I don’t feel up to having any animal companions.  I do not want the pain.  Unfortunately, by avoiding the pain, I miss out on the love. The avoidance has got to go. Later… — Blue (pissed off and hurting) And what in the hell are you doing reading this test ignore post?

Response:

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