Question:

– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Prozac. Your family doctor can get it. I went from 235 to 215. Your fear is a sign of depression. Hi, everyone, my name is Bonnie, and this is sort of the first time I’ve posted to these groups.  I decided to post because I am at the end of my rope, mentally and physically.  I cannot stand to be the size I am anymore.  I am 19 years old, and i weigh at least 250 pounds, probably more.  I’m so afraid to weigh myself to find out if i’ve reached 300.  I am so sick of looking at myself in the mirror and being disgusted with what I see.  I have never had a date in my life, never been kissed, and as far as i can see, will never get married and have a happy life.  I’m just so unhappy with myself.  I can’t go to a store and buy clothes because the stores around here stop just short of the size I need..i need to order from a special place out West.  I can’t possibly wear the kinds of clothes I WANT to wear, which fits my personality…i’m stuck wearing simple sweatshirts and jeans that barely fit me…I am constantly teased about my weight from people in my school (I go to college) and from my father, who never ceases to remind me that I’m a fat pig.  Never mind the fact that he’s overweight himself (I inherited it from him, apparently).  I’ve tried Overeaters Anonymous, but I couldn’t make myself stick to the 12 steps.  Nothing seems to work for me, I have NO willpower…even the idea that if I lose weight then I will look better and feel better doesn’t do it for me! Nothing is a big enough incentive.  I don’t know what’s WRONG with me…my good friend of almost 15 years (who is also very overweight) has recently dropped 60 pounds, and she’s starting to get guys looking at her and asking her out, etc.  I’m stuck being jealous.  I just don’t know what to do!  I want to lose the weight so I can enjoy what’s left of my youth!  I haven’t even been swimming in 10 years ’cause I don’t want anyone to see me in a bathing suit! I miss that so much!  If anyone here is going through the same thing or knows how to help me, PLEASE either e-mail me or post a message to this newsgroup, I’m desperate for help. Thank you, Bonnie The probability of someone watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions…

Barry: PROZAC?  Who are you kidding?  A whole TWENTY pounds, huh?  Was it worth becoming dependent? Bonnie is feeling bad, but there are a lot of other things she can do that do not involve getting mixed up with drug dependence and pharmaceutical company shills. Bonnie: If you weigh between 250 and 300, twenty pounds obviously is not going to be the difference between dating or not, swimming or not, being accepted or not.  All that taking a drug like Prozac could do for you to lift depression stops when the drug-taking stops.  There are also side effects you would need to review very, very carefully.  What you need to look for are ways to make yourself happier long-term. Kay

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: I’ve tried Overeaters Anonymous, but I : couldn’t make myself stick to the 12 steps.  Nothing seems to work for : me, I have NO willpower…even the idea that if I lose weight then I : will look better and feel better doesn’t do it for me! Nothing is a big : enough incentive.  I don’t know what’s WRONG with me… : Bonnie : Hi Bonnie, :       I’m a compulsive Overeater and my name is Cliff. : Step #1 "We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives : had become unmanageable" : You are an expert at the first step so I guess you really meant that you : had trouble with the next eleven steps? : Its people like you that make it possible for people like me! [:-D :       Thanks again,           Cliff W. Smith : I respect the right of those who knock on my door to convert : me as long as they respect my right to try convert them !!!

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<sorry about not 'quoting' the other messages this relates to - but: I am 23 years old. At 19, just like the other posters I was very heavy. I got married at 18 years old, 9 days out of high school. I was 230 pounds. I have a wonderful husband, and family - but I wasn't happy. I gained another 30 pounds before I was ready to anything about it. I have lost 130 pounds, it wasn't easy and it sure was quick, but its gone and I have a long road of maintenance ahead <looking for advise on THAT if anyone has any Good luck to everyone, but especially the teenagers and young adults who read this forum, they may need the most support of all. Bridget McCort Hopkins, MN

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The issue of time itself can be a killer of incentive.  It was not until I fully realized that the time was going to go by anyway, and that I may as well try to make the best of each day....

You had a lot of very interesting things to say in your reply to Bonnie, but the quote above is one that I had to tell you about. I thought it was well placed, and I'll have to post that line on the door of my fridge. Thanks. Time does indeed go by, regardless of what we do in it. Elliott

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Prozac. Your family doctor can get it. I went from 235 to 215. Your fear is a sign of depression. - Hide quoted text -- Show quoted text -Hi, everyone, my name is Bonnie, and this is sort of the first time I've posted to these groups.  I decided to post because I am at the end of my rope, mentally and physically.  I cannot stand to be the size I am anymore.  I am 19 years old, and i weigh at least 250 pounds, probably more.  I'm so afraid to weigh myself to find out if i've reached 300.  I am so sick of looking at myself in the mirror and being disgusted with what I see.  I have never had a date in my life, never been kissed, and as far as i can see, will never get married and have a happy life.  I'm just so unhappy with myself.  I can't go to a store and buy clothes because the stores around here stop just short of the size I need..i need to order from a special place out West.  I can't possibly wear the kinds of clothes I WANT to wear, which fits my personality...i'm stuck wearing simple sweatshirts and jeans that barely fit me...I am constantly teased about my weight from people in my school (I go to college) and from my father, who never ceases to remind me that I'm a fat pig.  Never mind the fact that he's overweight himself (I inherited it from him, apparently).  I've tried Overeaters Anonymous, but I couldn't make myself stick to the 12 steps.  Nothing seems to work for me, I have NO willpower...even the idea that if I lose weight then I will look better and feel better doesn't do it for me! Nothing is a big enough incentive.  I don't know what's WRONG with me...my good friend of almost 15 years (who is also very overweight) has recently dropped 60 pounds, and she's starting to get guys looking at her and asking her out, etc.  I'm stuck being jealous.  I just don't know what to do!  I want to lose the weight so I can enjoy what's left of my youth!  I haven't even been swimming in 10 years 'cause I don't want anyone to see me in a bathing suit! I miss that so much!  If anyone here is going through the same thing or knows how to help me, PLEASE either e-mail me or post a message to this newsgroup, I'm desperate for help. Thank you, Bonnie

The probability of someone watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your actions...

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writes: Hi, everyone, my name is Bonnie, and this is sort of the first time I've posted to these groups.  I decided to post because I am at the end of my rope, mentally and physically.  I cannot stand to be the size I am anymore.  I am 19 years old, and i weigh at least 250 pounds, probably more.  I'm so afraid to weigh myself to find out if i've reached 300.  I am so sick of looking at myself in the mirror and being disgusted with what I see.  I have never had a date in my life, never been kissed, and as far as i can see, will never get married and have a happy life.

Whoa!  Yes, I do know what it is like to be really heavy at 19.  It stinks, but, believe it or not, it does not stink quite as badly as it used to...thanks in part to the type of information gathering done by this group. From what you say in your post, clothing is a big issue for you, so be sure to get the clothing FAQ (look on Dejanews if you have to.) I was married by 24 but NOT before I went through a lot of partly self-induced misery over guys. I was a senior before I figured things out. One big example is that I assumed for a long, long time one guy in the group I hung around with was "just a friend" when he was actually quite interested--just not very confident about how to go about changing our relationship into something more romantic. (Love songs on the juke box when just the two of us were eating at a diner was NOT enough of a hint for me at that stage!  I also took the "accidental" arm around the shoulder at the movies as a joke--which it wasn't.) I am constantly teased about my weight from people in my school (I go to college) and from my father, who never ceases to remind me that I'm a fat pig. Never mind the fact that he's overweight himself (I inherited it from him, apparently).  

Are you dependent on your father for college money?  If not, tell him to stuff it and don't speak to him again until you feel like it (maybe not til you graduate).  If you are dependent it makes things tougher, but not altogether impossible. Alternatively, maybe you could try just telling him that he should try to love both himself and you more than he does.  In the meantime try loving yourself more.  Start by trying not to beat yourself up so much. If you are still getting teased at college, it sounds like the students there are pretty immature and there's not all that much you can do about it...except perhaps orient yourself toward older students, and get involved in activities that include all levels. I don't know what's WRONG with me...my good friend of almost 15 years (who is also very overweight) has recently dropped 60 pounds, and she's starting to get guys looking at her and asking her out, etc.  I'm stuck being jealous.  I just don't know what to do!  I want to lose the weight so I can enjoy what's left of my youth!

You need to start enjoying your youth NOW, not after you've lost weight. That means finding things you actually LIKE to do and doing them.  Yes, it helps if some of those things are ones you can initiate on your own and involve meeting NEW people. I hope your friend isn't making comparisons, too.  That can only reinforce your own bad feelings. I would gather from what you write that your friends is till "overweight".  Maybe you should just stick around a flirt with some of the same guys.  I haven't even been swimming in 10 years 'cause I don't want anyone to see me in a bathing suit! I miss that so much!  If anyone here is going through the same thing or knows how to help me, PLEASE either e-mail me or post a message to this newsgroup, I'm desperate for help.

Now WHY have you not been swimming, exactly?  If you only weigh 250-300 there are suits out there you can find fairly easily and you can join the other overweight people putting in an appearance at the beach or at the poolside.  IGNORING the idiots may be necessary but at least you get to swim! In some areas there are special swim groups for people who are heavy (many of them much heavier than you are).  When my daughters were small I used to attend sessions with one such group at a large indoor pool  I could keep an eye on my kids and have a great time myself.   However, I got a start with them at a regular hotel pool when my husband had to spend a couple of two-week sessions in training programs out of town and we went with him. I bought a nice plain navy suit with a removable single strap and a neat long white cover-up and brought a magazine for defensive reading! (It turned out not to be necessary at either hotel.)  Fear of a confrontation or humiliation too often holds us back when neither are actually  in store. So, Bonnie, GO immediately and find the Clothing FAQ and get yourself a new suit.  Then all you need is the right pool or the right weather!   Kay

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 Nothing seems to work for me, I have NO willpower...even the idea that if I lose weight then I will look better and feel better doesn't do it for me! Nothing is a big enough incentive.  

Dear Bonnie,      I know what you feel like, I've been there.  However, your unhappiness with your life and the prospects for your future need to be your incentive.  Eating has become your way to cope, to self-comfort.  However, you need not figure this out before you begin.  You can figure out what ailes you as you begin to embark on a new life.  While thinness itself will not make you happy, taking control of your life and actions can begin to build self-esteem and a sense of adventure as you begin to feel healthier in everyway.      At your age I was not your size, but I eventually got there.  It wasn't until I was forty that I began to feel the side effects of weight.  I knew that I was going to become a sick person, and old age began to frighten me.      Facing having to lose at least 150 lbs is not easy.  The issue of time itself can be a killer of incentive.  It was not until I fully realized that the time was going to go by anyway, and that I may as well try to make the best of each day, that I was able to begin a new lifestyle.  Dieting as a tool of denial will not work.  The only thing that works is to figure out what method or plan can help you to thrive through each day.  Some swear by a lowfat, high complex carb approach like myself.  Others insist that the only thing that works is the CAD (carbo addicts diet) system.  You'll hear about the Zone and Adkins.   Choose a plan that seems most logical for yourself, and JUST DO IT!!   Just make sure it's something you can live with and not suffer through.  Afterall, the idea is that you are feeding your body vitality and Health, and not continuing a method of self-torture that you have to one day "go off of".       Do not starve, do not exercise to exhaustion.  This will only lead to failure, and will eventually whittle away at your self-esteem.  At first, you may not even want to mention that you are "dieting" (it's just impossible to get away from that word), as people will give you encouragement of a sort, but alot of people have illogical ideas of what dieting is all about.  They will look for you to achieve miracles or to cheat, and you just don't need that.      Choose an exercise that you enjoy and can do, and do it for at least 20 minutes 4 times a week.  Increase as it becomes easier.  Do less if it's too hard.  Just, again, do it.  Stay away from the scales, especially if they scare you.  Find a pair of jeans that are too tight and gauage your progress with those.        Living a new lifesyle is not magical thinking.  Your body will thankyou for every bit of effort you put into making yourself healthier.  Trust me.  Two years ago, at 300 lbs, I was seriously concerned about myself.  Today, I am at least 120 lbs lighter and in better physical condition than I was when I was 23.  I can do aerobics for an hour and feel invigorated.  I can ride my bike for 20 miles and feel like I can go on.  No, I'm not thin yet, but today I went to a yard sale and held up a pair of pants,and the woman there said, "Those will be too big for you, here's a Medium if you can use these."  It's the little things like these that make me realize that my efforts are paying off.        And, of course, my husband is thrilled.  And even better than that, I feel wonderful and know that my future is Healthy.                                             Cathi

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Hi, everyone, my name is Bonnie, and this is sort of the first time I've posted to these groups.  I decided to post because I am at the end of my rope, mentally and physically....I have never had a date in my life, never been kissed, and as far as i can see, will never get married and have a happy life.  

soc.support.fat-acceptance is a group for people who accept themselves no matter what their weight is.  Your X-post to this group says you missed the point of this group.   You don't sound like you like yourself very much.  We can try to help with that. Self-acceptence is VERY hard, especially for a fat teenager. Been there/done that/got the T-shirt.  Getting away from the people you grew up with will help ENORMOUSLY.  It also sounds suspiciously like you have very little activity.  At least get out and walk.  As for swimming, if you like it, do it. The worst thing you can do, no matter what your weight, is to be a couch potato. In terms of this focus on boys, it's common.  Adolescent males have a real problem with fat women, but MEN, in general, aren't quite so narrow. I hardly dated in high school either.  In college, at a time when I gained more weight, I started doing better in that area because I decided I didn't care WHAT the "social dictates" were.  I just went and and had a good time, and found men who weren't looking for a waif. If you only care about dieting, please post only to alt.support.diet in the future.  But if you want support in truly accepting yourself, no matter what your weight is, you're welcome to come back. (Sorry if this is coming off like a lecture.  I suppose it is.) --

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- Hide quoted text -- Show quoted text - Hi, everyone, my name is Bonnie, and this is sort of the first time I've posted to these groups.  I decided to post because I am at the end of my rope, mentally and physically.  I cannot stand to be the size I am anymore.  I am 19 years old, and i weigh at least 250 pounds, probably more.  I'm so afraid to weigh myself to find out if i've reached 300.  I am so sick of looking at myself in the mirror and being disgusted with what I see.  I have never had a date in my life, never been kissed, and as far as i can see, will never get married and have a happy life.  I'm just so unhappy with myself.  I can't go to a store and buy clothes because the stores around here stop just short of the size I need..i need to order from a special place out West.  I can't possibly wear the kinds of clothes I WANT to wear, which fits my personality...i'm stuck wearing simple sweatshirts and jeans that barely fit me...I am constantly teased about my weight from people in my school (I go to college) and from my father, who never ceases to remind me that I'm a fat pig.  Never mind the fact that he's overweight himself (I inherited it from him, apparently).  I've tried Overeaters Anonymous, but I couldn't make myself stick to the 12 steps.  Nothing seems to work for me, I have NO willpower...even the idea that if I lose weight then I will look better and feel better doesn't do it for me! Nothing is a big enough incentive.  I don't know what's WRONG with me...my good friend of almost 15 years (who is also very overweight) has recently dropped 60 pounds, and she's starting to get guys looking at her and asking her out, etc.  I'm stuck being jealous.  I just don't know what to do!  I want to lose the weight so I can enjoy what's left of my youth!  I haven't even been swimming in 10 years 'cause I don't want anyone to see me in a bathing suit! I miss that so much!  If anyone here is going through the same thing or knows how to help me, PLEASE either e-mail me or post a message to this newsgroup, I'm desperate for help. Thank you, Bonnie

Bonnie, Sweetie.      I hear my own feelings at your age echoed in your letter. At 19 I also wondered if I would ever find someone who would love and accept me the way that I am. It has taken awhile, and a lot of concious effort, but I feel I have somewhat arrived, and it is a wonderful and liberating feeling. They say you have to like yourself first and it is true. Start by at least treating yourself with respect. If you treat yourself with respect, then others will too, men included. There are plenty of happily married/involved women of size. The key is not a small dress size, but self confidence and self acceptance.       I didn't think I could ever accept or much less like myself at my current weight. (The number doesn't matter because there are folks in this newsgroup who are all up and down the scale who have made it to the point where they like and accept themselves. Your first goal should not be to lose weight but to learn to accept and like yourself as a person. This is a long an difficult process, but well worth the journey.      First of all, there are men out there who like larger women. Read this newsgroup for awhile or browse the alt.personals.fat and you will learn of many of them. (as with using any personals, be careful and use good judgement). Second, I hope at the tender age of 19 that you aren't determined to get married right away. I wanted the same thing at 19, and 20, and 25, and 29. At 31, I have had several relationships with men who have appreciated me as a whole person, my weight included, and told me I was beautiful. ( I now believe that whether a man is telling me or not) . But before I get away from the point, I have never regretted not getting married earlier in my life. I have had a wealth of experiences and adventures that I wouldn't trade. Live your life first, and don't ever settle for the first man to come along because you think it will be your only chance. From someone who believed that,  it wont be.      In order to help you bolster your own self esteem and guide you on a journey of self discovery and acceptance, I suggest getting in touch with your local Naffa Chapter. I don't know where you live, but the information is available at their web page. Just search for Naffa. These folks have social events where larger individuals can have fun in an environment free from ridicule, and there are gentlemen who may show up to some of these events specifically in search of a dating opportunity. But aside from that opportunity, there are people there, and here in this newsgroup, who are struggling, or have struggled, with the same feelings that you have. Read the stories frequently posted here and you will feel like you are not alone and maybe even be able to learn to like yourself as much as some of the folks here have. The name of the group is size acceptance and there are many overwieght individuals out there who are happy just the way they are and lead active and "normal" lives. And lastley, don't ever let your weight keep you home and away from doing the things you love. Go check out a local water aerobics class. Many of the folks in those classes are older or heavier and  more accepting. Our Naffa chapter has it's own water aerobics class and most of the folks in it are over 300 lbs, including the instructor who teaches about 10 classes a week to lower weight individuals as well. Focus on your good qualities. Remember that you are a good person and don't ever put yourself down and don't tolerate it from others either. If your college offers counseling, seek it. An objective counsler can help you to work through feelings and discover things to like about yourself that maybe you hadn't thought of in awhile. Be happy and live your life to the fullest, at any weight. Best wishes Jill

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Hi, everyone, my name is Bonnie, and this is sort of the first time I've posted to these groups.  I decided to post because I am at the end of my rope, mentally and physically.  I cannot stand to be the size I am anymore.  I am 19 years old, and i weigh at least 250 pounds, probably more.  I'm so afraid to weigh myself to find out if i've reached 300.  I am so sick of looking at myself in the mirror and being disgusted with what I see.  I have never had a date in my life, never been kissed, and as far as i can see, will never get married and have a happy life.  I'm just so unhappy with myself.  I can't go to a store and buy clothes because the stores around here stop just short of the size I need..i need to order from a special place out West.  I can't possibly wear the kinds of clothes I WANT to wear, which fits my personality...i'm stuck wearing simple sweatshirts and jeans that barely fit me...I am constantly teased about my weight from people in my school (I go to college) and from my father, who never ceases to remind me that I'm a fat pig.  Never mind the fact that he's overweight himself (I inherited it from him, apparently).  I've tried Overeaters Anonymous, but I couldn't make myself stick to the 12 steps.  Nothing seems to work for me, I have NO willpower...even the idea that if I lose weight then I will look better and feel better doesn't do it for me! Nothing is a big enough incentive.  I don't know what's WRONG with me...my good friend of almost 15 years (who is also very overweight) has recently dropped 60 pounds, and she's starting to get guys looking at her and asking her out, etc.  I'm stuck being jealous.  I just don't know what to do!  I want to lose the weight so I can enjoy what's left of my youth!  I haven't even been swimming in 10 years 'cause I don't want anyone to see me in a bathing suit! I miss that so much!  If anyone here is going through the same thing or knows how to help me, PLEASE either e-mail me or post a message to this newsgroup, I'm desperate for help. Thank you, Bonnie

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: Prozac.         This is not very brite of you, Barry.  Prozac is not a         drug designed for weight reduction.  It is for depression and         anxiety.  "Some" weight loss is just a side affect.  I've been         on Prozac for a little over a year and have lost a total of         four (4) pounds as a result of the side affect.  So, you see,         it affects different people differently.  It isn't even affective         as an anti-depressant for many people. : Your family doctor can get it.         Nope again.  Many doctors will refer you to a shrink first, and         not even then will they prescribe it.  Why?  Because they don't         know diddily about it. : I went from 235 to 215.         Whoop dee do, 20 whole pounds.  Now you're slim & trim, huh? : Your fear is a sign of depression.         As for Bonnie....She sounds like a troll but I could be wrong.         Bonnie, you're too worried about boys liking you and not thinking         about how well you like yourself.  Appearances are accidental,         your personality is something you've worked on, kiddo. : am so sick of looking at myself in the mirror and being disgusted with : what I see.  I have never had a date in my life, never been kissed,         You don't know how lucky you really are, honey.  Do you seriously         think that teenage boys know how to kiss?  Besides, with all the         nasty diseases going around, you're the best thing that could         happen to a guy.  Many people, not just fat people, have never dated         during their teen years.  Don't blame your lack of popularity on your         weight.  And believe me, those popular kids have reached their apex,         from now on, life is going to be giving most of them some pretty         rude slaps.  And you?  You've already been through the ringer, you'll         be able to handle all the crap life deals out to misfits like us. : as far as i can see, will never get married and have a happy life.         Abe Lincoln said:  People are as about as happy as they set         their minds to be".   I think you just need to set your mind         to being happy with what you've got.  Think about your life,         your friends, all the good things you do have.  Having a man         is not the end-all to happiness & living.  There is too, too         much in the world to be narrowing happiness down to marriage         and sex. : just so unhappy with myself.           Start looking for the things you can be happy about.           1.  You're a nice person.         2.  You're intelligent.         3.  You're pretty.  (yes, you are, no qualifiers here)         4.  You enjoy many activites and interests like....."??".... : I can't go to a store and buy clothes : because the stores around here stop just short of the size I need..i :         There are a lot of us in the same boat as you, dear.  Some of         the smarter ones have taken up sewing. kinds of clothes I WANT to wear, which fits my personality...i'm stuck :

        Why do you want to wear them?  Because the skinny girls wear them?         Or because you really like those styles?   teased about my weight from people in my school (I go to : college) and from my father, who never ceases to remind me that I'm a : fat pig.

        College?  Tell them to start acting their age, remind them that         they're not in high school anymore.         What a lovely father.  Tell him to go fuck himself. Never mind the fact that he's overweight himself (I inherited :

 it from him, apparently).           Oh, well, then just snort and oink at him.  What a hypocrite. :-         Your best bet with him is to disown him (if that is economically         possible). I've tried Overeaters Anonymous, but I : couldn't make myself stick to the 12 steps.  Nothing seems to work for : me, I have NO willpower...even the idea that if I lose weight then I :

Forget the diets, please.  They'll only make you fatter and then you'll be even more upset.  Talk to the folks here, they're nice (nicer than me), they'll help you out.  Really. will look better and feel better doesn't do it for me! Nothing is a big : enough incentive.  

You can look and feel good now, just as you are.  Forget trying to achieve someone else's ideal. : I don't know what's WRONG with me... You've been listen to the wrong people and have bought into the main stream's totally irrational concept of ideal beauty.  That's what is wrong with you. You're not alone. : my good friend of : almost 15 years (who is also very overweight) has recently dropped 60 : pounds, and she's starting to get guys looking at her and asking her : out, etc.  

Oh yea?  Just wait, she'll put it all back on.  And where were those boys when she was heavier?  Would you really want that kind of guy?  The kind who only cares what you look like and not who you are? Boys and dating are not your life's goal.  Who told you that it was? Your goal is to be happy, that does not necessarily include (nor disclude) the involvement of a man in your life. : I just don't know what to do! Accept yourself as a decent, worthy person, just as you exist now, then go from there. : I want to lose the weight so I can enjoy what's left of my youth!  I :         Oh jeese!  I love how kids think that after the teen years life         ends.  Yea, Bonnie, you'll never ever have fun once you hit 21.         Get real. : haven't even been swimming in 10 years 'cause I don't want anyone to see : me in a bathing suit! I miss that so much!   That's your own fault, if you miss it, then do it!  Who cares what other people think.  Honey, I didn't swim during my teen years either for the same reason.  I got snide remarks, and they hurt.  But now I'm smart enough to consider the source and you should do the same.  Don't miss out on swimming.  I own three suits and I swim at a gym during the winter! I have a friend from Mexico who is just a little bit taller and a little bit heavier than me.  She has a male-friend (not her boyfriend but he sometimes acts like it) who gets upset when other men look at her when she is with him!  Yes, other men "check her out"!  (I gotta go to the restaurants where *she* goes!) Sandra

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Elliott, That quote of Cathi's (which I also like) reminded me of the following poem that is along the same lines. On an ancient wall in China Where a brooding Buddha blinks, Deeply graven is the message-- It is later than you think. The clock of life is wound but once And no man has the power To tell just when the hands will stop At late or early hour. Now is all the time you own, The past a golden link, Go cruising now my brother-- It is later than you think. Julie

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Mary-Anne I would have to disagree with you about a couple of points. The distinction you make between "clinical depression" and "feeling bad" is not maintained in general (psychiatrists offer drugs for lifting moods or getting through difficult times).  When the distinction is stressed it is often merely self-serving (a defence by drug-prescibers). I do NOT think anyone should "Hire a Psychiatrist who specializes in psychopharmacology" unless they have already made up their mind to take the drugs implied in hiring such as "specialist". Kay

Well Kay, I have to disagree with you.  Coming from a manic/depressant household I can assure you there *is* a huge difference between chemical depression and situational depression.  People in a chemical depression NEED anti-depressants.  People in a situation depression need to learn to deal with their problems.  If they use anti-depressants (which many doctors will give them) then they are bandaiding their inability to cope. What they need is coping skills. What a person should use is a *good* psychiatrist that they trust. Someone that will work with them and not just give them what they ask for.  A good doctor will determine the true need for drugs.  He/she will be able to distingish between a chemical and situational depression. -- The opinions expressed here are my own, and do not necessarily represent those of Hewlett-Packard.

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writes: - Hide quoted text -- Show quoted text - writes: Prozac. Your family doctor can get it. ... Barry: PROZAC?  Who are you kidding?  A whole TWENTY pounds, huh?  Was it worth becoming dependent? Bonnie is feeling bad, but there are a lot of other things she can do that do not involve getting mixed up with drug dependence and pharmaceutical company shills. Bonnie: If you weigh between 250 and 300, twenty pounds obviously is not going to be the difference between dating or not, swimming or not, being accepted or not.  All that taking a drug like Prozac could do for you to lift depression stops when the drug-taking stops.  There are also side effects you would need to review very, very carefully.  What you need to look for are ways to make yourself happier long-term. Kay [ on soapbox] This may be off topic, but there is a BIGBIGBIGBIGBIGBIGBIGBIGBIGBIGBIG difference between clinical depression (which is a chemical problem) and feeling better or worse ABOUT something. What we appear to have here is someone who feels bad about her size. It appears to be ABOUT something, so that does not suggest drugs would help in this case.  I mean, given how fat people are treated in this culture, how they are told they should feel about themselves, what psychologically normal person WOULDN’T start out feeling bad? However, sometimes clinical depression can attach itself to something. Anxiety (in the sense of free-floating fear) can do it too.  You can generally tell that this is happening when the depression (or anxiety) moves to something else.  It is possible that she’s depressed, but I don’t think we are in a position to judge that given what we have been told.  There are detailed FAQs posted in alt.support.depression which would allow Bonnie to judge for herself whether she is clinically depressed. I DO NOT recommend using antidepressants as weight-loss drugs. The amount of weight is not enough.  It does not last beyond taking the drug, and the side-effects are probably not worth it. However, there can be other advantages to taking them IF you are clinically depressed, whether you are fat or not. If you go that route, there are a family of drugs like Prozac (Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Paxil etc.) and one would not necessarily begin with Prozac itself.  I DO NOT recommend using a family doctor.  It would be legal, but there is too much to know. Hire a Psychiatrist who specializes in psychopharmacology. [off soapbox] Mary-Anne

Mary-Anne I would have to disagree with you about a couple of points. The distinction you make between "clinical depression" and "feeling bad" is not maintained in general (psychiatrists offer drugs for lifting moods or getting through difficult times).  When the distinction is stressed it is often merely self-serving (a defence by drug-prescibers). I do NOT think anyone should "Hire a Psychiatrist who specializes in psychopharmacology" unless they have already made up their mind to take the drugs implied in hiring such as "specialist".   Kay

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– Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – Prozac. Your family doctor can get it. … Barry: PROZAC?  Who are you kidding?  A whole TWENTY pounds, huh?  Was it worth becoming dependent? Bonnie is feeling bad, but there are a lot of other things she can do that do not involve getting mixed up with drug dependence and pharmaceutical company shills. Bonnie: If you weigh between 250 and 300, twenty pounds obviously is not going to be the difference between dating or not, swimming or not, being accepted or not.  All that taking a drug like Prozac could do for you to lift depression stops when the drug-taking stops.  There are also side effects you would need to review very, very carefully.  What you need to look for are ways to make yourself happier long-term. Kay

[ on soapbox] This may be off topic, but there is a BIGBIGBIGBIGBIGBIGBIGBIGBIGBIGBIG difference between clinical depression (which is a chemical problem) and feeling better or worse ABOUT something. What we appear to have here is someone who feels bad about her size. It appears to be ABOUT something, so that does not suggest drugs would help in this case.  I mean, given how fat people are treated in this culture, how they are told they should feel about themselves, what psychologically normal person WOULDN’T start out feeling bad? However, sometimes clinical depression can attach itself to something. Anxiety (in the sense of free-floating fear) can do it too.  You can generally tell that this is happening when the depression (or anxiety) moves to something else.  It is possible that she’s depressed, but I don’t think we are in a position to judge that given what we have been told.  There are detailed FAQs posted in alt.support.depression which would allow Bonnie to judge for herself whether she is clinically depressed. I DO NOT recommend using antidepressants as weight-loss drugs. The amount of weight is not enough.  It does not last beyond taking the drug, and the side-effects are probably not worth it. However, there can be other advantages to taking them IF you are clinically depressed, whether you are fat or not. If you go that route, there are a family of drugs like Prozac (Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Paxil etc.) and one would not necessarily begin with Prozac itself.  I DO NOT recommend using a family doctor.  It would be legal, but there is too much to know. Hire a Psychiatrist who specializes in psychopharmacology. [off soapbox] Mary-Anne

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: Some doctors write scripts for Prozac to overweight patients because in : a noticeable number of Prozac patients, some amount of decrease in : desire to over-eat becomes present.         It pisses me off when doctors do stuff like that.  Even *they*         are looking for the quick fix! : Apparantly Prozac is the "sister" drug to Pondimin.  Pondimin is the fen : side of Phen/fen.  I am not sure what "sister" drug means but thought it : might be an interesting note…         That *is* interesting, I’d like to hear more about this, if         anyone has the info….? Sandra

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<snipped a lot I haven’t even been swimming in 10 years ’cause I don’t want anyone to see me in a bathing suit! I miss that so much!

It may sound counterintuitive, but consider swimming at a naturist/nudist resort.  There are two reasons for this.  First, there are strong rules (if you pick the right place) about making remarks about the way someone looks.  You may actually get LESS abuse than at "normal" beaches.  When you pick a resotrt, ask about that.  Second, if a man gets a hard-on from looking at you, you can see.  I remember it happening to me once, and it felt SO satisfying.  Did wonders for my ego. Mary-Anne

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- Hide quoted text — Show quoted text – <edited         Prozac is not a         drug designed for weight reduction.  It is for depression and         anxiety.  "Some" weight loss is just a side affect.  I’ve been         on Prozac for a little over a year and have lost a total of         four (4) pounds as a result of the side affect.  So, you see,         it affects different people differently.  It isn’t even affective         as an anti-depressant for many people. A number of years ago, my (then) doctor rather quickly prescribed Prozac for me because he thought that I may be a little depressed, which had a tendency to trigger my over-eating. He started me on 20mg/day, and eventually raised the doseage to 80mg/day (four capsules).  I’m one of those you mentioned who Prozac did little or nothing for. Actually, if I had not known that I had swallowed the capsules myself, I would not have known that I had taken anything at all. Prozac seems to help a lot of people with some depression related problems, but for me it was a rather useless drug. Some doctors write scripts for Prozac to overweight patients because in a noticeable number of Prozac patients, some amount of decrease in desire to over-eat becomes present.

Apparantly Prozac is the "sister" drug to Pondimin.  Pondimin is the fen side of Phen/fen.  I am not sure what "sister" drug means but thought it might be an interesting note… — The opinions expressed here are my own, and do not necessarily represent those of Hewlett-Packard.

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Bonnie, It’s the shits being 19, isn’t it?  I’ve been overweight all my life and   I do remember.  I think the best advice you’ve been given is to learn to love and accept yourself…then, if you want to lose weight, maybe that will come but it won’t be essential to your happiness. Prozac did help me out of a bad, bad time, so I wouldn’t count it out automatically but I’d want a psychologist or mental health professional to help make that decision.  Therapy worked wonders for me as did finding a general practitioner who treated me like a normal person. Therapy is rough sometimes–I personally cried a lot–but it was worth it in the end.  I think it’s great you’re reaching out.  I was so into myself at your age that I couldn’t even think  about getting help  or talking about it.  I wish you the peace and happiness you deserve. Nancy

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Hi Bonnie, I think the best advice you’ve been given is to work on becoming happy with yourself, just as you are.  And yes, that might involve some counseling, particularly if you’re depressed.  In all fairness, I wouldn’t write off the drugs right away–Prozac did help me for several years–but it was prescribed after consultation with a psychologist. Therapy and a general practitioner who talked to me like a human being worked wonders.  It just isn’t going to be an overnight thing here.  I wish you nothing but happiness. Nancy

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Prozac. Your family doctor can get it. I went from 235 to 215.

Do not, I repeat DO NOT use Prozac unless you have been DIAGNOSED with CLINICAL DEPRESSION.  Prozac is for treating depression, NOT a diet pill. Your fear is a sign of depression.

Bonnie, your fear MAY be a sign of depression.  Then again, it may be a natural reaction to a lifetime of being put down for being fat.  The only way to find out for sure is to talk to a good (fat-friendly) doctor.  DO NOT take this person’s word for it. Miche IMPORTANT: I will be OFFLINE from 21 Dec to 6 Jan.     <* What I post is my opinion only.     In order to achieve balance, first you need two sides.

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Choose a plan that seems most logical for yourself, and JUST DO IT!!

Why does she need to lose weight?  I don’t think she does! Bonnie, you are gorgeous, loveable and worthy *just the way you are*. Miche IMPORTANT: I will be OFFLINE from 21 Dec to 6 Jan.     <* What I post is my opinion only.     In order to achieve balance, first you need two sides.

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<edited         Prozac is not a         drug designed for weight reduction.  It is for depression and         anxiety.  "Some" weight loss is just a side affect.  I’ve been         on Prozac for a little over a year and have lost a total of         four (4) pounds as a result of the side affect.  So, you see,         it affects different people differently.  It isn’t even affective         as an anti-depressant for many people.

A number of years ago, my (then) doctor rather quickly prescribed Prozac for me because he thought that I may be a little depressed, which had a tendency to trigger my over-eating. He started me on 20mg/day, and eventually raised the doseage to 80mg/day (four capsules).  I’m one of those you mentioned who Prozac did little or nothing for. Actually, if I had not known that I had swallowed the capsules myself, I would not have known that I had taken anything at all. Prozac seems to help a lot of people with some depression related problems, but for me it was a rather useless drug.   Some doctors write scripts for Prozac to overweight patients because in a noticeable number of Prozac patients, some amount of decrease in desire to over-eat becomes present.   Elliott

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<snipped a lot I haven’t even been swimming in 10 years ’cause I don’t want anyone to see me in a bathing suit! I miss that so much!  If anyone here is going through the same thing or knows how to help me, PLEASE either e-mail me or post a message to this newsgroup, I’m desperate for help. Thank you, Bonnie

Bonnie, As others have said, Been there/ done that.  I know several women in the area who have also been there.   There are men out there looking for large ladies.  They are harder to find than the cat calling ones on the corner, but they are there.  There are several web sites for big beautiful women and their admirers.  There websites are: My favorite:  http://www.momi.com/bbws/ Others of interest:  http://www.pencomputing.com/bbwqt/index2.htm                 http://www.geocities.com/southbeach/1813/                 http://members.aol.com/clm1948/fat.html I’ve been interacting (email letters) with FA and it’s busted my ego, and often puts a stupid grin on my face.  I suggest you go look at the photos of the ladies.  I felt right at home with them.  View until you realize there are a lot of wonderful ladies out there just like you.  Then go find those guys that keep asking where all the young BBWs are.  There seemed to be a huge thread going on that a few months back.  Write to more than one.  They may not be in your area, they may think you’re too young, whatever – give yourself more than one chance. Once you find one BBW group the rest are on a BBW/FA ring that links one site to the next Fat acceptance site.  I haven’t gotten through them all yet. I wish you luck and happiness.  It may seem like it is a long time coming.  But most of us BBWs are survivers. Sherry P. (email address changed to thwart junk mailers)

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