Question:

oooo….feeling very unsure about this post. Makes sense + Totally irrational…. Feedback? Meg

Response:

Butterflies, I think my original reply may be sitting in your inbox, so here we go again… most solid foods, especially anything that tastes good, is very difficult for me to leave in my stomach because it’s SO uncomfortable.  Therefore, I purge.  Granted, my purging is self-induced and spontaneous.

That’s where the difference lies – for me, purging is NOT self induced and until now I’ve never really considered it ‘purging’. As I understand it, the refluxive action has to do with nerves, muscles and allergies in some strange and incomprehensible combination. But when I was in super-binge-mode, I’d buy all kinds of things that just rip my stomach to pieces if I keep them down, then I’d throw them up. Problem solved.

Well, similar again, if these foods were to stay in my stomach they would (and do) cause great distress. Sometimes actually affecting internal functioning etc. Some, like peanuts, are closer to a true allergy in that they make me swell up, break out, become suffocated etc. Other things, like milk or gluten cause general digestive disturbances like vomiting, nausea, constipation, pain and rumbling … Still, I dont instigate the purge. The food goes down, moments later it comes right back up. Is that anything like you’re talking about?  To make it simple, I would eat foods that I knew would cause great pain and discomfort if kept down, so I planned before ingesting them to purge.

Do you find that specific foods have this effect each time you eat them? Like I said before, email if you want to discuss specifics. For me, when i eat certain foods a ‘purge’ is enevitable. In that way it is premeditated, but Im certainly not sticking my finger you-know-where. Thanks, much love, Meg

Response:

Hi guys. In my last post I mentioned that I’ve been disregarding my food allergies and eating whatever I crave…then paying the price. Well, still doing it and I am so foul. spoiler for detailed descriptions of food and sickness. . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . . I’ve been vomiting multiple times a day for the past week and a half – maybe 10 days. Like I’ve told you before, there is a large number of foods that my body just rejects and Im totally indulging in them right now. Of course, without the automatic reflux, I never would ingest these things….which makes me instantly think:BULIMIA!!! But, my gut (which has become like a separate entity in this bod) tells me differently… Seems to me that I have to go through this right now.  I have been so deprived for years because of both restricting and allergies. I think I need to just give into my cravings for awhile, endure the consequences and realize that IT IS NOT WORTH IT. No amount of sugar or butter or cheesecake(oh, man) is worth this ill feeling. Sure, I can decide to throw my health away and indulge in hedonistic pleasure, but I need to then be prepared to puke for about 5 or 6 hours a day. I would need to accept my swollen & taught face, the nausea, the watermellon belly, the major GI upset, the skin that peels out of my mouth, the respiratory suffocation etc…. That life is not too appealing – Im remembering this now. I just thought I would share this, not encouraging others to follow the theory, but just to comment on the extremes I find myself going to in an attempt to achieve balance. Has anybody dealt in a similar way? Part of me knows its crazy and particularly dangerous… Meg Before you buy.

Response:

[posted and e-mailed] Hi, Meg, keeping spoiler… / / / / / / / / / / I don’t know if you’d even consider this to be in the same ballpark, but as I think you’re aware I have some GI problems myself (don’t we all?!?) and most solid foods, especially anything that tastes good, is very difficult for me to leave in my stomach because it’s SO uncomfortable.  Therefore, I purge.  Granted, my purging is self-induced and spontaneous. But when I was in super-binge-mode, I’d buy all kinds of things that just rip my stomach to pieces if I keep them down, then I’d throw them up. Problem solved.  (I’m not advocating b/p’ing.  That was supposed to be serious/funny/sad.) Is that anything like you’re talking about?  To make it simple, I would eat foods that I knew would cause great pain and discomfort if kept down, so I planned before ingesting them to purge. Butterflies ~In the event of rapture, this account will be unmanned.

Response:

Then you are a very prolific {{{ writer }}} as that is exactly what I couldn’t believe you were saying. is this a compliment, Dana? I’m not sure I like the word "compliment", meg.  But I did mean it in a very supportive manner.  Just agreeing that the referenced post seemed like it was falling apart in a million ways, apparently mirroring how you felt.

Your comments were a little hard to decipher. When I think ‘prolific’, I think of productivity, abundance… But now, I see that you were trying to tell me that my post was comprehensible. Or that you are keenly perceptive. If that were the case, then it would be a compliment. To yourself… Regardless, thanks for the positive effort. Meg

Response:

Dana sends: That Im falling apart in a million ways. Then you are a very prolific {{{ writer }}} as that is exactly what I couldn’t believe you were saying.

Ahem, I hate to milk the situation, but…..is this a compliment, Dana? If so, you have made my day. Incidentally, I’m devoting today to picking up the pieces. Tomorrow Ill be dealing with the shame and embarrassment. Thanks for encouraging the process (if that is, indeed, what you’re doing here). Meg

Response:

Dana sends: That Im falling apart in a million ways. Then you are a very prolific {{{ writer }}} as that is exactly what I couldn’t believe you were saying. Ahem, I hate to milk the situation, but…..is this a compliment, Dana?

I’m not sure I like the word "compliment", meg.  But I did mean it in a very supportive manner.  Just agreeing that the referenced post seemed like it was falling apart in a million ways, apparently mirroring how you felt. If so, you have made my day. <snip Thanks for encouraging the process (if that is, indeed, what you’re doing here).

Indeed that was my intent. Hope, Dana sends

Response:

Do you take Prilosec? doesnt work for me..

I hear apple cider vinegar does wonders…. expressionless, meg

Response:

Do you take Prilosec? Not eating after 4PM seems pretty radical, No?

doesnt work for me.. i did take prevacid for a month a long time ago. not eating after 4pm isnt radical. a lot of people are trapped by routine. part of my problem as a child was i was force fed when i wasnt hungry… even violently. dinnertime.

Response:

Meg, what are you saying or trying to say?

That Im falling apart in a million ways.

Response:

Do you take Prilosec? Not eating after 4PM seems pretty radical, No? Meg

Response:

determine the bottom by putting down the shovel. no guarantees that we crawl out of the hole afterwards hitting bottom does not guarantee anything…

Thats what Im afraid of. DO NOT want to make this behavior into a habit. But I feel like crap. I can only put up with feeling this way for so long. if we hit bottom we have several choices… continue digging…

all the way to China? take a break from digging and stand still.. zombie mode stop digging and get out of the hole.

"screw this, Im goin’ home" (did you ever see the Hitchcock short, I cant remember the name, but its about a woman trying to escape from prison. She convinces a gravedigger to help her get out and winds up being burried alive.  Freeky.) however, i do believe in the gift of desperation… it was the only thing that finally got my attention.

Thats what Im shooting for here. Meg

Response:

Butterflies, I think my original reply may be sitting in your inbox, so here we go again… most solid foods, especially anything that tastes good, is very difficult for me to leave in my stomach because it’s SO uncomfortable.  Therefore, I purge.  Granted, my purging is self-induced and spontaneous. That’s where the difference lies – for me, purging is NOT self induced and until now I’ve never really considered it ‘purging’. As I understand it, the refluxive action has to do with nerves, muscles and allergies in some strange and incomprehensible combination.

my GERD began with a lack of bile… unnatural lack of digestive fluids… (we know how that happens) and is exacerbated by diet and is permanent because of physical damage. so i’m on the when and what diet… heck, i rarely eat after 4 p.m. v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v v otherwise i sometimes find myself waking up with a mouthful of acid running to the bathroom in the middle of the night… it really effects my self-esteem when it happens… feeling like i really fucked myself up… so, as i said, i watch what and when i eat.

Response:

oooo….feeling very unsure about this post. Makes sense + Totally irrational…. Feedback?

determine the bottom by putting down the shovel. no guarantees that we crawl out of the hole afterwards hitting bottom does not guarantee anything… if we hit bottom we have several choices… continue digging… take a break from digging and stand still.. stop digging and get out of the hole. however, i do believe in the gift of desperation… it was the only thing that finally got my attention.

Response:

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